Experiencing depersonalization is like being in a different world. Where everything looks darker, less exciting and unreal. A few minutes ago you were human, experiencing human emotions. And now, you question if humans actually exist, or if everything you’re experiencing, is just a figment of your imagination.
With depersonalization you’re always searching to feel, to feel the texture of things, the energy… everything
Am I the only one who constantly finds myself going over the same problems in my head? It’s like my brain doesn’t want to let go of them.
I find myself constantly thinking about the same issue, because either I feel like I don’t know how to resolve the issue, or my anxiety is keeping me from resolving it the right way. So instead, I ponder on it a million times every hour.
I also tend to talk on and on about it. I’ll talk about it with my friends, family members, and, my coworkers. I’ll even talk about it to myself when I’m alone.
I will find any way to bring it into any conversation as well. It’s almost like I need to talk about the problem to validate my feelings.
I expect people to tell me I’m not overreacting and that they see where I’m coming from.
Most of the time, people never feel the problem is as big of a deal as I think it is.
Which always points to anxiety, as being the main issue.
Anxiety makes most problems feel like they are impossible to solve and work through.
All your problems seem like they are the most important thing in the world, and it seems like facing each one, is the hardest battle you ever fought.
With anxiety, no amount of talking about something, thinking about it, is ever enough.
As of late, I’ve been trying to be more active with changing the anxious approach I take to dealing with my problems.
When I catch myself talking too much about the same thing or thinking about it too much, I stop and remind myself, that continuing to bring up a problem won’t solve it.
I’m not going to think my way out of a problem, I’m not going to talk my way out of it. Most times I just need to be bold enough to take the necessary action to make a change.
If I don’t like the way certain things are going at work, I need to address those issues with my boss. Not allow the issue to fester within me, and talk about it all day with my coworkers, because nothing will change.
Which is why, it’s so important to be disciplined with yourself in regards to how you handle your problems. It’s so easy to keep talking about the same thing over and over again because it feels nice to let it out.
Always talking about your problems can be a source of comfort for you, and not engaging in that can feel uncomfortable.
But if something isn’t working, be smart enough to not continuing doing it. You don’t want to continue the same patterns and habits that are getting you nowhere because they feel good. Taking action, is what will really make a difference in your life.
Speaking up for yourself in situations where something bothers you. Willing to be honest even when speaking the truth makes you uncomfortable. Doing things how you want to do them, and not how others want you to do them, is what’s important.
In this journey, you also have to be willing to be okay with not always making everyone happy.
When you begin to do those things (and yes it’s hard to do and will take time) you’ll start to see that there’s no need to talk about the same problem over and over again, because that alone resolves the issue.
If only crying would solve all of our problems and bring us to the place we want to be.
Sometimes
I ponder on all the bad things
The mistakes I’ve made
and the mistakes I almost made
It scares me.
Even though it’s in the past
It’s like it’s still happening,
Somewhere in time
And for some reason
It still matters
It’s like I want to go back in time
I need to go back in time
And redo the moment
The right way
Hoping,
that there is a right way.
But it’s not possible
It’s impossible
And because of that
A lot of moments in my life
Never truly end
They end physically,
But never end emotionally
Life can become mundane so quickly. You go to school, you go to work and do variations of the same things everyday.
I remember throughout high school, I thought about graduating all the time. I suspected that once I left high school, life would become more exciting, I’d meet new people, go on “adventures” and truly feel alive. I always thought that staying stuck in a school all day was the reason that I felt so stuck and bored. It didn’t allow any real movement and freedom.
I’d constantly make remarks like “when I get out of highschool I will.. when I go to college I will.. I can’t wait to make new friends so I can..” But one thing that was hard for me to accept, was the fact that I couldn’t depend on a time, a place or, people, to get do the things I truly wanted to do.
It’s so easy to push things (whatever they may be) to a later time in life. When you’re scared, when you don’t feel like you’re good enough, it’s easy to say that there’ll be a better time to do the things you feel like you should be doing.
But, what’s the point of wasting any time being miserable? Why decide to just go through the motions of life without doing the things you feel will add value to your life? You’re honestly never too young or old. This may sound like a corny inspirational message, but it really holds true in life.
During high school I didn’t do anything I loved because I felt like I was too young and inadequate. Or I always had a another “good excuse” as to why I shouldn’t. In actuality all I was doing was making myself more miserable by going through the motions. The longer you push things you want to do off, the more you’ll stay in unsatisfying situations and continue to get into new unsatisfying ones.
Graduating high school won’t take you to the place you want to be, you have to be the person who decides to do something different with your life. When I graduated high school I ended up going to college just because I didn’t know what else to do. I had gone through some hardships during my last years of school that really got me off track so I felt lost.
It was easy in the beginning to just mope my way through college, but deep down I craved more. And after awhile I got tired of settling, which is why I started this blog. I felt this was the best way for me to be able to reach people. It’s important for me to be able to teach people the things I learned and inspire them to live out their purpose while living out my own.
Courage doesn’t happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding your whole life
-Shannon L Alder
MyPathToJubilee 