Tag Archives: relationships

Controlling People

Why I Had A Hard Time Liking People

So many people talk about how they hate people or don’t like people, and I used to think in a similar way.

The reason I was that way (and why I suspect a lot of other people are that way), had to do with the fact that I was constantly trying to control people. So there was always an internal conflict going on whenever I interacted with them.

I didn’t like the way someone reacted to what I said, I didn’t like the fact that they disagreed with me, I felt like they didn’t understand me exc.

And, I wanted them to see me how I felt they should see me.

I wanted them to be impressed by me, and think I was cool.

So I’d get frustrated with people because they never acted how I wanted them to, or believed they should.

And they didn’t know the things I thought they should (and I didn’t have the patience to teach them).

So instead of actually interacting & engaging with people, I’d just sit at home and daydream, and imagine people the way I wanted them to be.

Or, I’d watch movies or read books and live through that, because that fit more into my idea of how I wanted people to be.

Acceptance

When I began to accept that people are who they are regardless of who you want them to be, or who you believe they should be, it allowed me to enjoy people more.

I began to take myself off that God-like pedestal and realized people are enough.

Not everything and everyone has to be what I consider perfect, because I’m not that either.

Sometimes we think we are so smart and so good, that we can’t even see outside of ourselves.

And it’s funny, because a lot of us pride ourselves on being empathetic but at the same time we can’t stand to be around other people.

We judge people all the time and are so critical and impatient with others.

The Reality

But, there’s really no need to try to control people because that’s not our job. We are not Gods and people are not our creations.

We have to learn to be patient with people and see people the way we want to be seen.

The “I hate people” thing primarily comes from a place of wanting to control people and our frustration with our lack of control over people.

When you try to control people it exhausts you, and oftentimes does not work.

So ultimately, we have to begin to move past that notion so we can grow strong bonds with one another, outside of the principle of control.

jealousy

Jealousy is a natural emotion that many of us feel from time to time. It’s heavily looked down upon, which is why it’s not talked about or acknowledged enough. We may be jealous of people we don’t know, but see through social media, or family and friends.

Jealousy is not just displayed in grand ways, it’s the little moments too. It can be a forced smile after a friend told you they got a well-paying job while you’re living paycheck to paycheck. Or it’s the little pang you feel in your chest that you mentally tell yourself is wrong, or that you mentally deny feeling at all.

But why is that a big deal? Why does jealousy need to be acknowledged if it can be denied?

Because jealousy impacts our connection to ourselves and to others. It causes us to feel shame and it leads us to hiding our true emotions and feelings.

Have you ever had a friend that made you feel inferior, and you never got why? That may have been jealousy. They never said it because it’s wrong, but they still felt how they felt, and it impacted your relationship.

So yes, jealousy is wrong, but it’s natural. You first have to be honest with yourself about the jealousy you feel, and then you can begin to move away from the emotion. You have to accept that you’re human and a part of being human is experiencing human emotions, and jealousy is one of them. You don’t need to shame yourself for it, but instead acknowledge it and work through those emotions in the moment.