I often wonder if a wound is formed in some motherless children as soon as they are taken away from their mother, or past the initial separation. I contemplate if motherless children are emotionally aware that something is missing from the moment of separation, or, if the wound develops when they realize they don’t have a mother in their lives, but the majority of other kids do?

If the former is true, does it mean motherless children have an internal longing for a mother, even before they’re aware that many other people have mothers, but they don’t? And does that suggest that each child innately needs a mother in their life?

If the answer to these questions is yes, we have to consider how we see the relationship between a mother and a child. And, we should look further into the impact that being a motherless child has on an individual, as well as figuring out ways to best support motherless children.

The other perspective, which is based on the idea that a mother wound develops past separation, is a significant perspective to consider. If a mother wound does indeed develop past separation, how does this happen?

For one, there is the potential that the mother wound can develop in childhood, when children begin to realize the differences between themselves and others. A big part of being a child, is noticing differences between you and those around you. Sometimes you notice superficial differences, such as; they have a bigger house than I do, more clothes, or they get better grades.

At other times, you pick up on the bigger differences. Some which may consist of, a lot of my friends have a father around, but I don’t. Or, most of my friends live with their mom, but I don’t live with mine.

For some people, these realizations could lead to questioning. Many children may begin to ask themselves questions centered around why. Why am I different? Why am I missing something that many others around me have? Why doesn’t my mom live with me?

Subsequently, these questions may bring about confusion and insecurities. In many cases, when something is missing from our life, that most others have, it can begin to affect how we view ourselves. We can start to feel less than or undeserving because of the things we don’t have.

To further add onto the idea that a mother wound develops based on realizations which may lead to confusion and insecurities, there is also a chance a mother wound may form or be deepened by the influence of others. To understand this view point, we have to consider the integral part a mother holds in an individual’s life.

For many, mothers are a central part of their lives, particularly when growing up. In most cases, mothers tend to be the most active parent in a child’s life. They are seen as nurturing, kind, giving, and capable of giving a special love that only mothers can provide.

Mothers tend to know all the details of their children’s lives and their personalities. Many people believe there is nothing quite like a mother, and that in order to be raised the right way, children need a mother.

When you observe this way of thinking and you don’t have a mother, it may begin to impact you. Not having something that other people say you need, and is so important to who you are as a person, puts you in a perplexing state internally.

Some people do not know how to navigate these feelings of life without a mother, in part because many around them can not relate. It may also be hard for motherless people to know how they should feel if they were raised by caretakers who loved them greatly. They may feel they don’t have anything to be unhappy about because it’s not as though they were unloved.

Even with loving caretakers, for some there still remains a part of them that feels without. Not having a mother around can lead someone to feeling like they missed something they should have had, which may leave them feeling wounded.

Mother wounds may develop at different points for different people. For some it may be from separation, or for some past separation. Regardless of when it forms, it comes with difficulties. People who feel this wound, may feel alone in their feelings but this should not be the case, as there are others who can relate to them.

To better support people with mother wounds, we should be open to having conversations around the topic. Allowing people to share their stories, and their difficulties so we can better understand them.